Tuesday, November 1, 2011

She's lost control again

"Breathe out
So I can breathe you in
Hold you in

And now
I know you've always been
And out of your head out of my head I sang

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang"

- "Everlong"


I don't know if I want any of this with you anymore. I can't seem to meet you halfway, and it's so frustrating.

After all you've done I still feel unfulfilled.
You've given a great deal of yourself to me. You hugged me and loved me when I needed it most, and you were always there for me when I really needed you. You're an amazing person for that. Especially when you found us a counselor.

I want to be a friend, but I can't seem to find a middle ground now.
Once "love" was involved it changed the way I felt forever. In many ways.

It was the most amazing thing to feel so close and so cared for, but it ultimately drove me crazy somehow. An emotional roller-coaster I can't seem to slow down.

I can't seem to sort out my needs, and I shouldn't have pulled you into my web.

This fear of commitment is my ickiest of issues, and I'm sorry for involving you so deeply in it. I should have been more careful... and have kept my distance like I do with everyone else I start to care very deeply for.
It's the only way I know how to be a good person.

I loved what we had together, but all I feel is bitterness now.
I don't feel understood.

You're better off without these limitless demands I carry around. Stay true to yourself, because you're a really amazing, smart and thoughtful person underneath it all, and that makes you a really fucking cool human being.

I'm sorry I can't be more understanding. Maybe one day I'll learn to be.
I do love the real you, even though I don't know how to express it anymore.
You deserve only the very best kind of love in the future.

- Julie


Jrs said...


JulieTiger said...

I feel a huge emptiness inside... I hope I can learn to fill it again.